For about a week everytime I leave and run to the grocery store or hit the gym upon returning I am greeted by not ONE but TWO screaming inconsolable children grabbing my leg with streaming tears running down their faces. With a look of not so sweetness I ask my husband "what happened why are they acting like this" to which he says "they were fine and then they go crazy when you get home." So I ask why is it that the person who is with them the most seems to get the brunt of the good and bad behavior mostly the bad:) I think I read somewhere that it's because they know it's safe to show that parent their worst. Fast forward another day later and I head to Zumba all full of positive endorphins with minimal expectations of peace upon opening my door and I get smiles and sweetness followed immediately by both of them fighting to sit on my lap and both screaming "mommy"!!! I now know when this happens it is best to remove myself so I headed to the shower where I ponder opening the door for the screaming toddlers but I don't, I remind myself they need to learn I cannot be there every second of everyday although, secretly this lesson breaks my heart.
So this week was the first time my husband has ever left on a business trip. Since the girls were born most nights, unless he has to work late, which does happen occassionally, we are blessed to have meals together and the girls get daddy time. At the start of the week I had so many things planned, a sleep over, trips to nana and papas, playdates etc. and then reality set in. Did I mention the girls started swim lessons last week? Well every year since our first who is now 3 started swim lessons someone has gotten sick, last year it was both of them and this year was no exception. It doesn't seem to be anything serious but the wake ups have started again and not having someone to watch them so you can run to the store or hit the gym etc. is for lack of a better word, hard! I got a glimpse of what it must be like for many single mothers out there, my feet are throbbing and I have never been so happy to crawl in bed at the ripe old hour of 8pm. He will have only been gone 7 days but I am proud that in those 7 days I was supermom, I walked the dog 2x a day, cooked every night, filled their days with fun and loved on them when they started feeling bad. Sometimes in the daily grind of sharing responsibilities I am guilty of being unappreciative to the person who truely needs it the most, my spouse. So if you are blessed enough to have one kiss him/her goodnight and say thank you.
The last week or so have been interesting the girls have been fighting more than usual, today our oldest daughter (whose 3 1/2) was caught smacking her sister (whose 2) on the arm multiple times over playdough. There has been numerous crying and the "bbbuuttt she's" have been endless. I have been cool as a cucumber with them for a few months and then it all goes out the window with a week like this. In addition to the fighting we are in the trenches with the pull up vs. diapers battle with our youngest meaning she will only wear a pull up and now takes it off when it's full of poop and gets it everywhere. Last night in 4 minutes I put a new pull up on her, she pooped in it, I put another one on and 2 seconds later she took it off saying I peed. The diapers market is a gold mine! I have to say it is true you clean the floors, they come in with muddy feet, Murphy's Law. But as I type this I am reminded, although I am guilty of alot of time outs this week and a few over reactions we are raising daughter's who will hopefully learn how to treat eachother with respect and in turn thank us someday or at least a mom can dream can't she?
So after a few weeks of letting go of my EGO and realizing there is no where I'd rather be than with my kids, I have fallen even more in love with being at home. Between cooking good meals again and making crafts we are having a ball and our family finally has "BALANCE" again. More importantly mama is balanced and as the saying goes "if mama ain't happy…." I am trying to enjoy every minute to the fullest and not sweat the small stuff because although, there are alot of little annoyances the love and closeness that I feel to my kids surpasses anything I may think is a big deal. As long as I have gratitude my life is fuller than I could ever imagine.
So today's craft was making side walk paint:
2 tbsps. water, 2 tbsps. cornstarch, food coloring, paintbrushes, paper or a side walk
Wow the last week has been an interesting roller coaster ride. On vacation our daughter got very sick after 24 hours of her temp being 104.9, vomitting and having excessive shaking we took her to the ER. After a visit to the ER, and a script for amoxicillin for what they thought was an ear infection, we thought she'd be on the mend. But as anyone with young children knows, it usually isn't that simple. The fever continued to be very high 104.8+ and she continued vomitting. We thought surely by Day 4 of antibiotics she'd start improving but she didn't. At our pediatrician's recommendation we brought her to our local hospital on Sunday, and although they couldn't diagnose the virus they did say the x-ray showed some infection in the lungs, elevated white blood cells and she needed fluids. Watching your 2 year old get an IV is not easy but she was a trooper.
So what helped?
Her first solids were jello and apple sauce. To drink: pedialyte she threw up but a mix of 1/2 powerade 1/2 water worked best. She also threw up Gatorade, maybe too sweet. Dairy made her vomit worse I have heard both sides, to stop dairy when they are sick and we learned that to be true this time. By Day 5 of the illness the fever had subsided and she was able to eat some chicken soup.
I thought this post may help some parents who go through something similar
This is the 2nd week I have felt off, exhausted upon awaking, headache and cranky, could be a case of PMS or it could just be where I am at. In my imaginary world I thought the transition to a big girl bed may magically fix our 3 yr. olds sleep disturbances but what we found was now she has to readjust to the big girl bed. The first night she got a scratch navigating around the front of it from the bedframe. The 2nd night she wanted me to sleep in the bed, tempting as it sounded, I resisted. The 3rd night she bumped her head on the wall because she scooted herself so far up she hit it. These are the funny little nuances of parenthood that you just have to figure out as you go. Part of the art of navigating this strange, wonderful, exhausting adventure is that everyone handles things differently but we are all in it together. As we were sitting at the library today for storytime I looked over at the glossed over eyes and soft smiles and behind each mom I knew I could relate to their struggles, however big or small they are.
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Today my eldest daughter stayed in her pj's all day, we visited a friend, hit a meeting for mom's sanity, went to the grocery store, had nana and papa over, played in the rain, played with tadpoles and you know what she's still in them and it's almost time for her bath. It was lovely and it reminded me once again the age old adage of" let kids be kids" they are only kids for a brief amount of time and I don't want mine to miss a single minute of that innocence and joy they get to experience…I have been learning how to not try so hard all of the time to be this vision of what I thought a great mom would be and just be loving, present and encouraging, after all aren't these really the things kids need the most?
The last several months I have been trying to find myself, I thought taking a part-time job was the answer but it turns out it wasn't. I realized I was comparing our lives to every mom I know, there's the super woman who seems to do everything and rarely seems out of sorts, there's the friend who changes her house everytime I go there and it looks better than the last, there's the friends who work full-time and seem happy what I was failing to do was ask myself what makes me happiest? Well after weeks of going through the motions at a job my heart was not in, I made a list and guess what? I was most happiest about a year ago when I was still at home with the girls but had a babysitter coming for 2-3 hours one day every week. What happened? She moved, I started comparing myself to everyone else out there, felt guilty for not working and gave up. Basically, I stopped listening to the voice in me saying follow your passion which is to write. So the question now is how do I still find time for me yet be a stay-at-home mom again? I bet alot of you reading this can relate we love our kids so much but yet they can drive us bonkers if we're with them 24/7. My husband said maybe they should stay in daycare part-time the same as when I was working…the guilt crept in I started hyperventilating a bit and said "bbbuuuttt I won't be working" and he said "Becky you work harder than me everyday you are home with them". This was a lightbulb moment… whether I volunteer, write, clean the house or whatever it doesn't the matter I will have something that is all mine and that I enjoy.